My Rollercoaster Ride

So I finally have the best date...this is a guy that I met online years ago, and we didn't meet until yesterday. The first time I saw him online and we chatted, I knew I had to meet him. I can't explain it; it was just an overwhelming feeling I had for him.

I am not exactly sure why it took so long to meet, but I know it wasn't on my part.  But the moment we met face to face, I couldn't believe how I felt. It was like taking my expectations and having reality be 100x better!

Things really went well all day. We had great conversation, and there was definitely some physical chemistry going on. Apparently for him as well. We went to the beach, walked around, talked for hours, and had dinner that evening, and walked some more.

We had some very intense, deep, personal conversations, and it was amazing. We really connected.

Now on the outset of all this, I knew he wasn't looking for a dating situation because he may be enlisting in the armed forces soon, and he doesn't want to get involved, which makes sense. But I have to say, it was quite a confusing situation for both of us I think.

He did send me some sweet texts today. But, I think I overdid it. He got a little "smothered" by all the texts, which I understand. Why can't I ever just chill out and let things happen??? I am so mad at myself right now. I hope I didn't ruin my chances with him. I really think he could be the one...as crazy as it sounds.

Now I play the waiting game...a game I am not a good player at, and I hate losing, which is often how things end up. I am trying to distract myself with music, but not sure it's helping. I will remain optimistic and wait and see what kind of damage I have caused to this situation. Hopefully it's not too much. UGH!

It's so crazy...yesterday and most of today (up to about an hour ago), I have been on top of the world. I could not have been happier. Now, I feel so low and stupid, like I blew the chance of a lifetime. I truly hope that is not the case. I really do.

Life's A Beach...

I spent the day with friends at Ogunquit beach today. It took us about 4 hours to get there thanks to the traffic.  We almost turned back, but I am glad we did not. The water at the ocean was incredible! So refreshing! The waves were huge!

I was chatted up by a few guys, which was flattering.  I had a great day!

So while having dinner with my friends, I brought up the idea that we (as a gay community) make it seem weird that we might want to hold hands out of respect for other's feelings. Yet, it makes me think that we implying there is something wrong with people showing small signs of affection. I am not a huge public display of affection person for gays or straights, but if two people want to hold hands in public, why should it matter to anyone? The reality is, gays are humans who have feelings like everyone else. Gays are not second-class citizens, and should not be treated as such.

I am guilty of not holding hands with boyfriends in the past. And I am currently single, so it's not an issue right now. My friend did remind me that there might be a physical altercation from an ignorant, non-tolerant person, but is that the only reason we shouldn't be showing affection publicly?

I understand people aren't often exposed to such affection, and it's not currently the norm. But not so many years ago, people also were uncomfortable with people of different races being together. In my opinion, it's time to grow up and accept that people are people, and love is love, and it's not up to us to decide who should be allowed to hold hands or not.

So after the discussion, I am not sure either party persuaded the other of their argument, but it was a good discussion overall. As we left the restaurant, I noticed a gay couple leaving a building nearby. They were both holding hands, and the world didn't seem to end. I would say that's a step in the right direction.

Monday

So it's Monday, and I did quite well with my eating! I woke up and had a mushroom, onion, 2 egg omelet. Then I had almonds for snack, as well as an apple. For lunch, I had a very healthy salad loaded with peppers, mushroom, mozzarella pearls, blueberries, tomatoes, and light strawberry vinaigrette. It was delicious! My "dessert" was a Fuji apple.

I had a protein power bar for a snack, and I finished my Fuji water. I went to the gym after work, and I did 500 calories on the elliptical machine. Then I did some weights.

For dinner, I had a piece of salmon, fresh tomato w/mozzarella pearls and fat-free vinaigrette. I broiled some fresh zucchini in olive oil and added some seasoned bread crumbs. It was quite a yummy day!

So tomorrow they are providing lunch at work...we'll see how that goes. I have an open house, so maybe I'll bring a salad with me. I made 4 of the same salad last night, so it's all ready to go!

Does anyone have any good zucchini recipes they would care to share? :)

Trying a New Approach

Well, it appears that my dating situation is not improving, so instead of pursuing someone, I have decided to take some time just for myself. I have to admit, it's very frustrating. As stated, I meet someone, things go well, then they stop calling. One of my friends told me to try to be mean and aloof. I am not sure I am capable of that. Any opinion on what I should do in this situation?
I think for now, I am just going to focus on me. I want to get into really excellent shape. I am in decent shape now, but I really want to go that much further with myself. Maybe in time, someone will enter my life, and we will find happiness together. I am a very happy person, and I do have much happiness in my life, so I won't complain. 
If anything changes, of course, I will keep you updated. So now, I am off to the gym. Time to start "Me Time." No time like the present!

Hmmm...

Does anyone read this blog? Just wondering...Would love to hear from you!

Where is the Black Box???

In my dating world, when it rains, it pours. I am inundated with several guys interested in me at once. "You're the perfect guy for me!" "You'd make a great partner!" "You are so cool." And the compliments roll in. So we meet, have a date.

The date goes well, then suddenly...they disappear. I cannot explain it. I have analyzed these events, and I cannot figure out what to make of it. I wish there was a black box for when things go down in flames.

I don't bring china patterns to the date, I don't talk about moving in, I kind of go with the flow, and see where his head is at. It always seems to go well, with the other guy showing more interest, then it happens. What happens? I have no idea.

I have tried to figure it out with my friends. I do look at myself honestly and bluntly. I just am not sure what I am doing wrong. Maybe it's them...they see something in me that either scares them or they aren't ready to take the plunge. Who knows? I know I don't.

So a few weeks ago, I had the downpour of dates. Several dates. All went well. One guy I even managed to have three dates. We had fun on each date, cuddled and kissed. It was so nice. Now, I don't even get a hello call or text. He didn't want to rush anything, and I let him take the lead. Now I hear nothing from him, and I have no idea why. Well, obviously he's not into it, but I can't figure out where things changed. Maybe it's not for me to understand.

Well, for now, the rain has dried up, and it's more like a desert. (Cue crickets.) So I wait for the next rainfall...

Target

I have to say, that I am very disappointed that Target has decided to get into the political ring by supporting candidates! Target has been such a friend, in the past, to the LGBT community, why would they bother getting involved in politics?

I have to say, for now, I am going to bring my business elsewhere. This is very upsetting to me, as I have been a loyal Target shopper for years. I go there at least once a week, or rather I did.

I hope Target can make up for this, and give me a reason to go back.

Adam Lambert

I just saw Adam Lambert in concert tonight..and WOW! He has so much talent! It was a great show, and he sounded amazing. I think he is definitely headed toward bigger and better venues! Great job Adam!

Melancholy

I can't believe this is my third post on the same day, but here it is. I am feeling a bit melancholy. I think being single is taking it's toll on me today for some reason. Maybe there is some astrological reason for it, who knows?

I am going to bed, and wake up with a fresh attitude. Tomorrow is the start of the new me! Well, a new day anyway.

Limbo

Do you ever feel like you are emotionally in limbo? Right now, I feel like things are just...there. There is someone I am interested in, and there is no response. When we hang out, I get a glimpse of cool things...then other times, it's like we haven't met. I know, I know...let it go.

I am just sitting here, feeling like something is missing. I can't really explain it. It's like I miss something I don't have. Does that make sense to anyone out there?

I am not sure why I had to blog about it, but I figured I'd give you a little insight into my world at this moment...thanks for reading. :)

Online Dating

Dating sites. There is Match.com, Chemistry.com, PlentyofFish.com, OKCupid.com, and the list goes on. I have been on all of these at one point or another. You'd think with the number of people who have access to the internet, it would be easier to find someone to date. But like anything, timing is everything.

It's quite an interesting phenomenon. You put up pictures, detailed personal information, and your deepest desires, and hope for the best. It truly is a crap shoot. Will Prince Charming stumble across your profile? Will he be compelled to send you an email and ask for more information and a possible date? Will you search the thousands of profiles and find that one picture/profile that sends your heart and mind reeling with possibilities?

This whole online dating isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure we've all seen the happy couples on the TV commercials, and that is great for them. But where is my TV commercial success? I suppose there is value in online dating. You can divulge information to a stranger, telling all your truths and secrets, and hope they respond favorably. There is the instant message, which allows you to talk in "real time." For some reason it seems easier than an actual phone conversation for some people. For me, personally, if we hit it off on instant messenger, I prefer the phone because then you get a better sense of other person's actual personality, and subtle sarcasm doesn't get lost in translation as it often does online.

It seems that meeting people out in public for the first time, at a club for example, has become outdated. When you go out, so many people are busy texting it almost seems silly to bother going out to meet someone at all. Of course, if things go well on instant message, email, and/or texts, then you may decide to eventually meet. Which brings me to my next question...

Why do people lie about their age? Why do they post pictures that are several years old? Isn't the ultimate goal to meet face to face? At that point, the false digits and aged photos will be proven deceitful. This only sets you up for an awkward moment when you realize the person you have been talking to has already started off the relationship with lies. It's very disappointing, believe me.

I am a believer in truth in advertising. Do I put everything out there right away? (Yes, often I do, sigh...) I do post my true age and recent pictures. It is 2010, and there are cell phones and many other ways to get your image online. If you don't have such a feature on your cell phone, ask a friend to take a picture of you and send it to your email. Please.

Confusing

So my dating life, to say the least, has been interesting.

I haven't quite figured out how to master the art of getting dates to progress to further stages of development. Getting the dates isn't usually a challenge. I do get many offers, which is flattering. However, it is often the case that I am attracted to guys that are not attracted to me, and vice versa. It is a common problem that I am sure most single people face.

The guys I have dated in the past all start out great. There is a huge interest for both of us. Then somewhere within the first six months, things shift. They start getting nervous that I am actually "the real deal." It seems great to think about the guy you want to date...monogomous, passionate, honest, thoughtful, trustworthy, etc...but when it actually shows up on your doorstep, reality gets a little frightening. "Is this really it? Am I ready for it?"

Ultimately, they leave, check out the other "greener" pastures, and then attempt to return to the original field, aka...me. I can't quite figure out this way of thinking, but it's happened to me so often, I should set up a case study. Then again, my mom once told me, "Exes are exes for a reason." She is a clever lady that mom of mine.

So what is a single guy supposed to do? I guess just wait and hope for the best. It's such a frustrating cycle.

I don't want to leave you with the impression that I am not happy with my life. Quite the opposite. I have an amazing group of friends and family. I am truly blessed with the people I have in my life. I am just hoping to find someone to share it all with on a different level. I know he's out there...I'm just wondering if his love GPS is working.

This awesome cartoon is from the Concord Monitor.
(All rights reserved.)

Happy One-Year Anniversary!

I am not sure why I decided to start up my blog again, a few days after the one year anniversary of my first posting! That is kind of funny to me! I hope this year I will fill up this blog more than I did in the past! :)

OK...so where to begin? As you may have figured out (especially if you read my profile) I am a gay man, so I figured I woud write about the joys and frustrations of my life as a gay man. I am a very upbeat, happy person 98% of the time. Very little gets me down. I look at anger and hatred as wasted energy, and I would rather spend my time trying to be happy and make other people happy.

So a little about me. I turned 41 this summer. In the gay world, I should probably be checking into a nursing home, as most people seem to want guys that are 18-27. Still, I have held up well physically, and I look much younger than my age (thank you Nivea night cream). I am not an effeminate guy, and I tend to like guys that act masculine as well. I am low-key in public, though I have been known to cause outbursts of laughter from my friends.

I am currently single, and I am not really ok with that. I am not one to jump from relationship to relationship, and I don't date just for the sake of dating someone, because I don't necessarily have to be single. I have had offers to date, but I just haven't found the "one" that makes my heart skip a beat just yet.

I have had some wonderful boyfriends in the past, and yes, there are three of them that I would consider dating again, if the opportunity presented itself. I am not sure if that's why I am currently single, and fate is making me hold off for now, or just bad dating luck. I will keep you posted on that.

My friends are always curious why I am still single. I have to wonder that myself. The physical attraction is a personal decision by the viewer, so maybe I am not everyone's type. Though I do get hit on by women quite frequently, as well as some gay men that I am not interested in physically. (Sigh.)

I am actually very happy with WHO I am as a person, however. I honestly try to treat people better than I expect to be treated. I have a great sense of humor, a sensitive personality, and a lot of passion to share. When I am dating someone, I give myself to them. Maybe too much. I am a bit of an open book. I wear my emotions on my sleeve (which can be hard to read if I am wearing a polo, but I digress.)

I am an actual believer in monogomy and the living happily ever after thing...call me Cinderella, but it's just who I am. I grew up in an ideal home situation with two parents that truly loved each other, so I know that true love is possible.

So I remain hopeful and optimistic that in this advanced age of mine, I will eventually find the true love I have been hoping to find.